This little sweetness makes me smile. Little moments like this remind me of hope.
xo, Jo
Naps with an Angel
This little sweetness makes me smile. Little moments like this remind me of hope.
xo, Jo
Broken
Feeling so broken. Alone. Ashamed. The pain is so physically real that my heart hurts and I can't breathe.
A friend asked me last night 'What is holding you back from giving all of you to God?' My answer was 'I'm not worthy. I don't deserve it.'
She said 'You're right, you don't deserve it. None of us do. And what a perfect time to give yourself to Him. Know Him. Draw close to Him. Study His word.'
God knew what my life would be, the choices I would make, the ways I would suffer, the ways I would hurt others, the things that would bring me joy.
He knew the moment I would turn my back on him and the day that I would come crawling back with my head hung in shame.
He knew it all. And still gave me life. Still died for my sins. All of them.
So where do I start? How do I rebuild? How to I pick up the pieces of this wreckage? And when will this pain stop?
I don't know how to follow anymore.
I could sit and stare for hours right now while my mind replays and remembers. I did this.
There is an empty piece of land here that overlooks the city. No one knows where it is. That's what I tell myself anyway. I've been going there to sit in the quiet.
To breathe. To cry. To be angry. Just to be. The silence is so loud sometimes. I think it's good.
Distraction masks these thoughts and feelings and the silence forces me to face them.
'In repentance and rest you shall be saved,
In quietness and trust is your strength.'
Isaiah 30:15
xo, Jo
A friend asked me last night 'What is holding you back from giving all of you to God?' My answer was 'I'm not worthy. I don't deserve it.'
She said 'You're right, you don't deserve it. None of us do. And what a perfect time to give yourself to Him. Know Him. Draw close to Him. Study His word.'
God knew what my life would be, the choices I would make, the ways I would suffer, the ways I would hurt others, the things that would bring me joy.
He knew the moment I would turn my back on him and the day that I would come crawling back with my head hung in shame.
He knew it all. And still gave me life. Still died for my sins. All of them.
So where do I start? How do I rebuild? How to I pick up the pieces of this wreckage? And when will this pain stop?
I don't know how to follow anymore.
I could sit and stare for hours right now while my mind replays and remembers. I did this.
There is an empty piece of land here that overlooks the city. No one knows where it is. That's what I tell myself anyway. I've been going there to sit in the quiet.
To breathe. To cry. To be angry. Just to be. The silence is so loud sometimes. I think it's good.
Distraction masks these thoughts and feelings and the silence forces me to face them.
'In repentance and rest you shall be saved,
In quietness and trust is your strength.'
Isaiah 30:15
xo, Jo
River Time
Some close friends from our old home made the drive down to see us. They have four lovely kiddos the same ages as ours- such a welcomed distraction right now. I told them my mind is too foggy to make decisions right now, so my girlfriend is taking that on and planning the day.
Today we are going down the river. So much peace on the water.
Two mamas, 8 kiddos...yes 8, all under 10...did I just say peace?
I'm bringing my camera, putting on my river girl shoes and swimming suit and am determined to smile today.. even with this weight and ache that makes me want to crawl into a dark hole. Sunshine and light instead.
Breathe.
Pictures later.
xo, Jo
Today we are going down the river. So much peace on the water.
Two mamas, 8 kiddos...yes 8, all under 10...did I just say peace?
I'm bringing my camera, putting on my river girl shoes and swimming suit and am determined to smile today.. even with this weight and ache that makes me want to crawl into a dark hole. Sunshine and light instead.
Breathe.
Pictures later.
xo, Jo
Struggling
Have you heard this song? I'm clinging to it right now. I hear the words and want so desperately to believe them. Most of me does. Part of me doesn't want to.
Grace can be painful to recieve.
I am feeling so weak these days. My heart is aching. I'm trying desperately to distract my mind from the pain, but nothing works for long. It comes in waves...about every few minutes.
I know my words are confusing. You're probably wondering what's up. Maybe one day I'll get there and share with you all. For now, I need this space to process. Bear with me.
I took some pictures today, I'll add them tonight.
xo, Jo
Grace can be painful to recieve.
I am feeling so weak these days. My heart is aching. I'm trying desperately to distract my mind from the pain, but nothing works for long. It comes in waves...about every few minutes.
I know my words are confusing. You're probably wondering what's up. Maybe one day I'll get there and share with you all. For now, I need this space to process. Bear with me.
I took some pictures today, I'll add them tonight.
xo, Jo
Finding me
I'm slowly starting to come back around. I feel like I'm stuck in the aftermath of a tornado.
Standing in the wreckage. Wanting to rebuild and not a clue of where to start.
I am starting here.
Choosing to focus on the my beautiful babies. On my marriage. On my neglected love for God.
Writing and photography has always been an outlet for me. A way to get these thoughts, dreams, fears and questions out. To focus on beauty and hope.
I've brushed the dust off of this camera and my typing fingers are ready. Little glimpses of me are starting to appear.
More to come tomorrow.
xo, Jo
Standing in the wreckage. Wanting to rebuild and not a clue of where to start.
I am starting here.
Choosing to focus on the my beautiful babies. On my marriage. On my neglected love for God.
Writing and photography has always been an outlet for me. A way to get these thoughts, dreams, fears and questions out. To focus on beauty and hope.
I've brushed the dust off of this camera and my typing fingers are ready. Little glimpses of me are starting to appear.
More to come tomorrow.
xo, Jo
{Easter} 2011
Our celebration of our glorious savior- all in pictures.
It has been two months since I last posted on my little blog...so much time, and still no sense of normal in our new town. We are staying with my in laws as we continue to find our home; praying and trudging along, knowing God has the perfect place and trying our hardest to practice patience. He has brought some beautiful souls into our lives and our little family continues to strengthen on this journey together.
So much to be thankful for in the midst of new and unfamiliar experiences. More updates and pictures to come. Love and hugs to all. xo
It has been two months since I last posted on my little blog...so much time, and still no sense of normal in our new town. We are staying with my in laws as we continue to find our home; praying and trudging along, knowing God has the perfect place and trying our hardest to practice patience. He has brought some beautiful souls into our lives and our little family continues to strengthen on this journey together.So much to be thankful for in the midst of new and unfamiliar experiences. More updates and pictures to come. Love and hugs to all. xo
Life on the farm
We have really enjoyed being so close to family since our move. A few times a week we visit the farm and Nana and Papa, help with chores, collect eggs, hide in the barn, and enjoy the wide open spaces. 
Enjoying the simplicity of each day is what it's all about. xo
Enjoying the simplicity of each day is what it's all about. xo
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